thinking...

I have been doing A LOT of thinking lately!

When I figure it all out in my head I will attempt to put it into words on here...

to be continued...

these are a few of my favorite things...

pajamas and snow boots
hugs
dancing
family & friends
laughter
laying in bed during a thunderstorm
music
pictures
sunshine
football
nightime snow...and waking up to a fresh blanket of snow
tear jerkers
change

these are just a few of my favorite things...

oh the innocence!!

Talked to a kindergartener who just lost her Dad.

She was the first one to find him...she tried to wake him...she tried to help him breath...she dumped water on him...and then they had to call the firemen.

It's kind of boring having a parent die...she informs me...

Oh the innocence of a child!

roller coaster

This week has been a real roller coaster!

The beginning of the week started with some news at work that did not sound very promising for my job security! I had a mini-melt down, thanks mom! Got over that and have started looking into going back to school to be a teacher...en route to being a principal! Without goals what are we doing...sitting idle!? Me? Never!

I watched someone dear to my heart take a big step in their life this week...all I can say is that my cup runneth over. I continually think about and check on my childhood friend, Missy's, itty bitty babies! My thoughts and prayers are with them as they continue to grow!

Today I dropped off our paper work to host an intern from Aneesa's school. I just decided to do it! I think it is the change that we need in our lives right now! Like I said...idle!? Me? Never!

So now let this week go out with a BANG! Tomorrow I am hosting a jewelry and scentsy party at my house. I am very excited to have a party here...always love hosting!! I am even more excited to have one of my best friends from high school, Courtney, come down for the weekend! To top that off one of my all time favorite ex-roomies, Alexis, is coming down on Saturday to stay! Look out KC cause these mamas are hitting the town Saturday night!

Just what the doctor ordered!!

So up and down I go!

'Dreaming With A Broken Heart'

This song takes my breath away every time I hear it! There has been one love in my life that has left me dreaming with a broken heart. I don't think I truly knew what love was until I felt the pain described in this song...

"you roll out of bed and down on your knees and for a moment you can hardly breath...wondering was she really here...
is she standing in my room...no she's not cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone."

...and for a moment you can hardly breath... that is the pain of love. Despite the pain that love can bring...I would do it all again!!

~dreaming~

Growing up I didn't have a lot. We were pretty broke most of my life and I was not showered with all the expensive clothes like every teenager demands. We never had fancy cars...or reliable cars for that matter! What I did have though was the most amazing family!

I was completely spoiled growing up! There never seemed to be a dull moment in our house...always something going on. I had two of the most loving supportive parents who demonstrated to me daily what it meant to be a great parent and what it meant to be married. I had two wonderful sisters to be complete enemies and best friends with.

Right now I long for that family. I was never the girl that grew up dreaming of being a princess and having some fairytale wedding. I still do not dream about that. What I do dream about though is a house filled with laughter and love. I long for the noise and chaos of a family.

I know that families come in all shapes and sizes. I realize that I have a family...more than most. It is my dream though that one day my home will be filled with the craziness of a larger family!

roommate

I have been considering hosting an intern from Academie Lafayette. I have been considering this since at least last June. I considered hosting a student for the school year but then talked myself out of it. I decided to just become a mentor family instead. Although I have enjoyed it...I still have this longing to host a student. Recently the school has said that they need host families for the second semester.

So there it is...the temptation to host a student all over again. I feel as though this may be the perfect opportunity because the student would only be with us for a semester plus they are familiar with KC and have friends already...less pressure to help them find their way and fit in.

Obviously, this decision would change our world completely. Right now I feel as though I need that change. Some days it is lonely here by myself and maybe a roommate is just what I need.

Opinions are very much welcome...but do know that I am trying really hard to make my own decisions these days!

kids say the darndest things...

Aneesa, "Why do you drink that mom?"

Me, "It's supposed to help me loose weight, but I don't think it's working!"

Aneesa looks at my tummy, "I think it is."

Me, "Awww thanks, you're so sweet!"

Aneesa, "I'm serious mom!"

Driving to school...

Aneesa, "I saw these people on tv that were loosing weight and you know what they were doing?"

Me, "No, what?"

Aneesa, "Exercising! Do you exercise mom?"

Me, "No, I haven't been lately. Do you think I should?"

Aneesa, "Yes, it helps you loose weight and it's good for your bones!"

who is planning this?

At my job there is always things that are mandated from above that we do or don't do. For example, the school calendar. It lists all the days that we have kids, days we are trained and days that we just come to work and have no kids. My question is who is in charge of deciding this?

Is the person in charge of making these decisions aware of the productivity level the last day of school before the winter break? How does it make any sense that kids come back to school for one day, Monday, and then are off the next two weeks?

How does it make sense that 1st through 6th graders start the school year with two half days and our little kindergarteners who have never done a full day of "school" in their lives come for a full day the first day!?!

Who makes this stuff up? When I look at the calendar it says "tentative"...tentative until what? May I put in my two cents?

...21 days...

There are many things in my life that I wish I could make a habit. They say all it takes is 21 days...that seems so simple!

when you say nothing at all...

I often wonder if some things are better left unsaid...can you say too much or are there times when you say nothing at all that your silence is more powerful than you words?

*32*

I recently turned 32 and I have decided that it is time to make that bucket list that I always think about! I believe a bucket list should be fluid...I don't know that it will ever be complete...like life...always a work in progress! Note that an asterisk signifies that it has been completed.

1. Take a road trip out west...camping along the way. (With no itinerary)
*2. Attend a Penn State game with Joe Paterno coaching.
3. Go to the super bowl.
4. Attend a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.
5. Swim with dolphins.
6. Work for the Peace Corp.
7. Get a tatoo.
8. Become fluent in Spanish.
9. Loose 20 pounds.
10. Run a half marathon.
11. Dye my hair dark brown.
12. Travel to every state in the U.S.A.
13. Go skydiving.
14. Ride a mechanical bull.

Like I said, it's a work in progress...I'm open to suggestions if you have any!

gone

Do you think that you can only truly love one person? Do you think that in our lives we actually have a soul mate...that one person that we connect with. We connect with to the very root of our being? I sometimes wonder if I am searching for something that does not exist...holding onto a dream that is merely just that...a dream. And what happens if we find that one true love...our soul mate...and then they slip away? Are we able to move on from there or do we never really love again?

Today I stood by and watched a friend as her heart broke. She had that love...that some of us never find. They were going to grow old together and then he slipped away...lost to cancer. Standing in the camper...standing where their future once was...she cried...and I stood there. As much as her heart breaks because she has lost him...my heart breaks because I have never known that kind of love.

Capture: Black & White

Capture challenge: Vehicles

magical age..

I sometimes wonder if there is a magical age that we reach that suddenly we will know the right choices to make.

If so I hope it is 32!

Le Taha'a

I was supposed to go to Le Taha'a. I was promised Le Taha'a. I held up my end of the deal but once again I did not get Le Taha'a in the end. As I sit and watch Le Taha'a now..I am thankful...because when I go to Le Taha'a it will be with my one TRUE love!

hide away...

There are many days when I wish that I could just crawl under a rock or into a cave and not come out until I am feeling ok. Definition of "ok" is still up for debate!

Appropriately enough today Aneesa decided that she wanted to build a fort in our living room but she did not know how! So being the wonderful mom that I am...lol...I built her the perfect fort.

Not knowing that I was building a fortress of work!! I was informed that there is a spot in the back of the fort for laundry...which I am to pick up and wash...there is a spot for her drinks...which I am to pick up and replenish.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a fort...to do crafts in...sleep in...leave our laundry in...and be served in.

Ben Harper - Forever

How appropriate that I hear this song while I am preparing for a date!! :) Patience...slow and steady wins the race...right?

So I had a brief break in the dating world because of my fabulous family reunion! It was so good to see everyone and even more wonderful to have my Aunt Laurie stay here at my house with her family. I love my family...and truly believe they are the best!!

Well I have hit the week back into the dating world hard...Tuesday was date #2 with the first and only guy I have been out with. The night was perfect...but our conversation had me thinking a lot about how I always tend to put all my eggs in one basket right away with guys. I really should date several and then narrow it down...but I don't! I honestly suck at dating.

So as the week went on I decided to really open myself up and consider going out with another guy that had been contacting me. After several conversations he asked what I was looking for. I responded by saying that I was looking for someone that would be my best friend...that I could eventually spend the rest of my life with. He responded by saying that he was looking for something significantly less serious. He then proceeded to inform me that he was looking for a friend with benefits. Well...nothing like being straight forward!! I informed him that I was looking for more of a commitment before I started handing out benefits! That was then end of that!

So that leads me to date #3 with the original. I don't know that I can say I know a good thing when I see it...because that has not proven to always work for me. But for now I like what I see. And when I really think about it...if I am looking for the rest of my life partner...I am hoping that I have a lot of time to get it right!!

So my girlfriend Amanda has signed up for match.com and has motivated me to do the same. It's week one and I have been on one date. So far so good! The thing about love is that you will never find it if you give up...so I will keep an open mind and continue to put myself out there! I will try to keep you posted!

something new

I haven't had bangs since who knows when...so far I like them but when I wake up in the morning I am finding that I look like someone from a big hair band!

good times...

Ok...so last Friday was my last day of work before the summer vacation. My sister and her kids arrived to help prepare for my Dad's big surprise party at my house. We worked our butts off to have everything just the way we had pictured.

Our hard work paid off! Dad was surprised and everyone had a great time. My Dad doesn't have a lot of friends but what he lacks in quantity he makes up for in quality. I think that is a true sign of a life well lived. True friends!

Most of the guest left on Sunday...Monday my sister, Dad and I took the kids to the Royals game for my nephew's birthday. Sunday evening my mom and Aunt Julie ended up coming over and we watched a movie. Tuesday morning was here before I new it and my house was a train wreck! I can not remember the last time that my house was such a mess.

Here I sit on Wednesday night and I am finally beginning to make progress...slow...but sure! So for five days now my house has been a place of love, celebration, friendship and mess! Fortunately I have realized in life that somethings are more important than others. In this case love, celebration and friendship are far more important than the mess.

stepping stone...

It seems despite my best efforts to move on and be strong I continually put myself into positions that have me feeling like a stepping stone. Something has to give...something has to change...I will keep you posted!

Duffy - Stepping Stone

too busy living!

I have completely fallen off of the blogging wagon and been just living day to day. Just recently both of my sisters have drawn attention to the fact that they are both blogging and I thought I better get busy again!

This has been a pretty good weekend...I can't complain. I was to sleep by 8:30 last night and then met up with some dear friends for a mudslide and a movie...oh yeah and a little shopping today. Unfortunately they all had lives and had to hurry home and I came home to an empty house. Aneesa is at my sister Heather's with my parents for the day. So it was just me and my yard! Something I love and hate all at the same time!

Just when I think I want to complain about having to weed and feed I get a phone call from another social worker in the district. She needs me to be at her school first thing Monday morning to help counsel kids because a 3rd grader has committed suicide...pause...a 3rd grader! Suddenly the stress that I have felt for the last couple months is lifted...who cares if my house didn't sell...who cares if I fell in love and had my heart broken...who cares that I am broke!?! I have so much to be thankful for...those days when I wanted to just burst into tears walking down the hallway now feel like a distant memory and I have come out stronger on the other side.

I pray for this child's family...I pray for this child's friends. If only this child could have come out stronger on the other side!